The Sludge

We're on our way to Inchon right next to Seoul, good Korea. A few nautical miles to the north is the bad Korea where Mr Ill rules. Yesterday we met the USNS Effective. You gotta hand it to the americans, they know how to name their navy ships.

The satellite phone rings. The 3rd officer and the captain look at each other, a knowing look, and say in chorus “I ain’t pickin’ that up!”. Experienced as they are, they know better. Answering the phone might lead them to talk to some Chinese person, let’s say a sales rep from some sludge company or something of that nature (“sludge”, for those who don’t know, is leftovers after the good stuff has been separated from the Heavy Fuel Oil, the good stuff goes into the engine and makes it go, I think, and the sludge goes into a tank until pumped ashore). “Gunnar, can you get that?” Guess what, it turns out it’s a sales rep from the local sludge company in Shanghai.

“-Herroh, dis “%&3?+½§¤&¤” caarring from Shanghai Srudge coppanee, you want discharge srudge, yes?”
After 4 calls and some minor communication failures we establish that he wants some stuff faxed to him and I have to do it. I know now why it’s never a good idea to answer the phone.

Chinese pilots. There’s a thing worth mentioning. 2 pilots with 2 portable VHFs each covering 4 channels. In order to hear everything being said on all channels they max the volume. That, plus them screaming rudder angles in my ear. STAAABOOOH FAJJJ! (starboard five). 
The wind picked up slightly when we left the berth and this ship is practically a sailboat, she’s very sensitive to wind. When the pilot realize we are going sideways instead of forward, he got a little exited and raised his voice slightly. All his pilot friends on the other vessels picked up on it and took it up a notch too. The whole operation was silly. 

The captain on this ship is really cool, a bit too cool perhaps. I sort of wish he would be one of those badass police captains that scream at you for accidentally blowing up that warehouse but secretly respecting you for being the only straight cop on the force, dammit. He might be that captain, maybe I just haven’t pissed him off enough! Hmmm….I did do something slightly stupid today and he let me know. But it was more like a “don’t do that again.” than a “Goddamit, you’re outta control! Turn in your piece and shield!” Maybe next time.

On another note, who the fuck carbonates apple juice? The fucking Germans is who. It’s called Apollinaris – Big Apple, The queen of table waters. Yeah that’s right, they even claim on the bottle it’s not actually carbonated apple juice but apple flavored mineral water. But that’s just a goddam lie, now isn’t it? I tell ya, this pisses me off to no end. I suspect I may need sleep.