The Seagal

I bought another hat. It appears I am the biggest whore for hats this world has ever known. And this particular hat exceeds the coolness of the last one by far. This one also incorporates a great deal of swag. Think Will.I.am meets Humphrey Bogart. This is what happens when you put me in a shopping mall in Singapore. I get too damn excited. My brand new Doc Martens slippers are also pretty neat. I have up and till now walked around in flip-flops onboard and the amount of flip and flop they emanate with each step is quite disturbing. I walked pass the Bosun cabin the other day, he always keeps his door open, and I heard him say “No matter if I can’t see…I know who’s coming! MNUUAAAHHAHAHAHA!” (He laughs exactly like the scary guy in “Thriller”). Now, in my new slippers, I have stealth, they won’t know what hit’em. 
There was also a variety of exotic food in an abundance of different restaurants in the mall. A golden opportunity for new culinary experiences, to try the local specialties, get a taste of the Asian cuisine. We ate at Burger King. It was the best burger I’ve ever had and my internal Whopper levels are now restored. I need that shit, man. 
But the most successful shopping that day has to be the DVD “Under Siege” with Steven Seagal. The first one, the one on the boat. Oh joyous day, heavenly bliss, ladies and gentlemen, that movie is so good it hurts to watch. And this time the Playmate does NOT get shot. All is well.

Singapore is an interesting place indeed. The law is strict. There is no spitting on the street, no littering, no pornography, and lots lots more for those who like a healthy dose of repression. Can you imagine that, eh? No porn. Not even the slightest under-boob. No matter where I looked in the streets I could not find one speck of graffiti or art made by real people. No homeless people either. I wonder where they put them. There is art in the streets though. In the picture you see what is supposed to be happy children having fun, jumping in the water. But the bronze effect makes it all too Han-Solo-frozen-in-carbonite-ish for my taste. There was also a statue of a big fat pidgin not far from there. It was totally clean unfortunately, not at all covered in bird shit, that would have been nice. 

We have now left Singapore, the last port of call in Asia, and are headed west towards the gulf of Aden. Oh yes, that is correct, that’s where the pirates hang out. Local fishermen say there is no fish in the sea anymore, the Japanese fishing vessels are too efficient, so they have been forced to find alternate ways to support their families. Recently there has been so many attacks on merchant vessels, many countries, including Sweden, have sent military force to the area. We do our part in the fight against poor, desperate, brown people. Feels good doesn’t it? 
But I guess that’s only one way to look at it. The attacks are well organized and they have plenty of firepower at their disposal. So to say they are simple fishermen might not be the whole truth. And since pirating has become such great business, many people are attracted to it. It’s all ‘bout the money, all ‘bout the dum-dum duh-ruh-ruh ruhm (I don’t think it’s funney either)
We will be going thru the gulf of Aden at full speed with the anti-pirate fire hoses rigged along the side of the ship. There will be three lookouts on watch at all times and an infrared camera rigged astern. We will most likely not be targeted since our speed is good and the freeboard is well over 20 meters. But you never know. After Aden we are calling at Port Sudan. Then Syria, then Libya, then Italy. 

The VHS section of the movie library keeps treating us with dignity and grace. We just saw “Point Break” with Keanu Reeves and Patrick Swayze. Awful, just awful. Before that it was “Executive decision” with Kurt Russel, a terrorist plane hijacking story. I wonder if Hollywood played any part in the inspiration of Al-Qaida’s planning department. There is some remarkable resemblance. Either way, Steven Seagal showed up in the beginning of that movie, totally unexpected. Naturally me and my fellow cadets were overjoyed, his mere presence taking the movie to whole new level. But the joy turned to despair ten minutes later when his character dies in an unfortunate Boing747-Stealth Bomber docking accident. My buddy Nils took it very hard. When the airlock depressurized and poor Steven was sucked out I could hear him moan “Nooooo!!!!”. I too was disappointed, you’d think old Seagal could fly considering the size of those shoulder pads.