The airport mood

Airports are depressing places. People are either completely stressed out or bored out of their minds. I’m usually a bit of both. I don’t have evidence to support this but I think the reason people buy such large quantities of alcohol at airports is because everyone instinctively wants to get drunk and dull the senses. I’m guilty as well. I just bought a bottle of champagne. But that doesn’t make sense at all now that I think about it, champagne makes me want to geddup'n'dance! Ok forget my theory then. Maybe it’s the prices …

I’m at Schiphol airport, Holland. Next to where I’m sitting is one of those flat escalators, transporters for people who are too late to walk. Every time someone passes the sensor at the end of the ride, a friendly voice comes along and says “Mind your step!”. A lot of people ride that transport. At the other end of the terminal another more stern voice keeps telling passengers they are delaying the flight and that their baggage will be offloaded if they don’t come to the gate immediately. It’s an empty threat, everyone knows that.

It’s not all bad, I’m having the “Mind your step!” best cup of coffee I’ve had since I left home 6 weeks ago. The instruments for coffee-making onboard “Mind your step!” left a lot to be desired. I also see a lot of attractive women everywhere. Which is nice. And I’m on my way home, which is fantastic. Plus I’m wearing an awesome hat. “Mind your step!” But I still feel strange, a little sad. Perhaps it’s because I’m going back to unemployment, once again I’ve done a pretty decent job, once again I’ve been denied an extension. Instead they replace me with a tiny, scared little guy who’s never set his foot on a Ro-Ro deck before. And I had to train him. “Mind your step!” Whoohoo. I am tired. The fatigue hit me two days ago when it dawned on me I was going home. All of a sudden the body started resisting and refusing to pick up the pace when I needed it to. I started forgetting things too. I’ve been breaking the law for rest hours a lot lately trying to teach the new guy the ropes.

Oh hey, lookit that! There we have some delicious KLM flight attendants dressed in blue. I love flight attendants. For a number of reasons. It’s the little dance they do with the emergency exits and seatbelts before takeoff. Then they smile and bring you something to drink. Haha … Some of you are unsure if I’m being sexist for comedy or not. The rest of you know…

It’s funny how well this works for me. The writing. I sat down feeling airport-sad and lonely but now I’m feeling wonderf “Mind your step!”….CAN THEY OPEN UP THE GODDAM GATE SO I CAN GET OUTA HERE!!!.