The return

Well what’s this now? Is this the return of Regurgitate you ask. I tell you, it is!. It is the return of Regurgitate! …Or maybe not. I mean It could be. Then again it also could not. My point is I’m not sure. So now you have a clear picture on that issue. But if its back, I’m happy to say it’s by popular demand! And I don’t just mean my mother this time. Another person actually asked me to start writing again so I now have two fans. That’s an increase by approximately 100%. That’s not bad for a hack like me. I hope to increase my reader base by another 25% by the end of this year.

I am on a ship called the Atlantic Companion. There’s a four letter word to describe her. I mean apart from the actual word “ship”, which technically could be considered quite useful. No, it’s another four letter word, a not as pretty word, you might get offended even, sensitive people should avert their eyes when reading. Or perhaps try to distract yourself by picturing a topless person baking bread. Or why not two topless persons baking bread and having some sort of conflict involving the flour. Eventually they get friendly of course... Mmmh, there it is. The word I’m thinking of is “rust”. There’s plenty of it here.

Come to think of it there are plenty of four letter words to describe her. She’s “nice” for one thing. There’s a fuckin’ bar, man! A real one. It’s at least real as far as how it looks and what’s on the shelves. But you don’t have to bring money and you have to mix the drinks yourself. There is also a gym and a badminton court. Commuting to “work” is not bad either. It takes about 25 seconds to get to the office, the bridge. It used to take 35 seconds but now I have moved up a floor. “Love” is another four letter word. I love the ship, I love the people here. It’s also “bigg”, with an extra “b” right there, to emphasize the bigness. It’s not just big, it’s…bigg…. knowamsayin!

……Kinda like my wiener.

This is my first turn as a Second Officer. And I am in charge of issues regarding safety which, in Swedish English, is pronounced “Saff-eh-tyh”. Say it with me now because saffetyh is important. Saffehtyh is very important, everyone knows that. I thought for a long time it was pronounced “sejf-tyh”, but at the Gothenburg Maritime training center, during the course “Basic Saff-eh-tyh training” I was corrected by the headmaster of the facility and he should know, right? Since he is responsible for the actual saffethy training. So apart from keeping watch on the bridge and in the cargo hold, I also care for the lifeboats and rafts, the immersion suits and rocket flares etc. A lot a people don’t know this but the first maritime safety legislation was a direct consequence of the loss of Titanic. After she went down the high ups were all like, “fudge, I say! Mr Winterbottom, we simply must do something!” and they came up with SOLAS – Safety Of Life At Sea, which, among other things, require you to have enough seats in the lifeboats for everyone, not just the first class passengers. Our lifeboats were in good condition in 1984. I hope I never have to use them. But we are in compliance with the regulation.